Lost in the Grind (My Comeback Post)
So…it’s been a minute. Some people have been wondering what happened to my blog. I was one of them. Truth is, I spent the last several months trying to figure out why I had no motivation to write anymore, and then I learned of a new concept that made everything so much clearer. I stopped blogging because I was lost in what experts refer to as “Grind Culture.”
Grind Culture, also known as Hustle Culture, “refers to the false belief that to be considered valuable or worthy in our society, one must be productive. Lurking in the shadow of capitalism, grind culture is accepted as normal, even necessary, and most people aren’t even aware of the harmful ways it impacts us.” If you want to learn more, check out the resources below.
It took me a while to recognize it because my company champions “work-life balance” for all, so there’s no way that I could have been caught up in this mess, right? I even chose this company over others who were offering me more money specifically because I did not want to grind. But after 3 years, I found myself working late into the night most nights of the week, adding on extra patients to my schedule, doing other people’s jobs because they couldn’t do it themselves, taking on extra projects that no one ever asked me to take on – all because I thought I was contributing to the greater good of transforming healthcare. And that’s what all of my managers celebrated and praised me for. It’s like the blinders that people put on horses so they can’t look around them when they are pulling people around in carriages. I always thought, “That’s so sad, they don’t even know there’s more to the world than what is right in front of them.” Turns out, I was that horse! I put my head down and produced. And I produced hard. I produced so hard that it overshadowed all the other dysfunctional crap that was happening at work to make it operate smoothly even though it was more unsustainable for myself. Talk about a Catch-22.
The inevitable thing about grind culture is that people, no matter how intelligent or resilient or hard-working they are, will burn out. And the lucky ones will have someone who can help remove those horse blinders, and see that they’ve been walking in circles without any significant meaning except to tow people around in a carriage, and get out before they suffer too much. Most people won’t have that though, and will work until their performance levels drops or they call it quits. Some courageous souls may even try to advocate for themselves, waving a red flag that this type of work environment is not only toxic, it’s actually counterproductive. People who are stuck in the grind have higher levels of depression and anxiety, which subsequently leads to lower productivity and creativity.
This is when a company’s value in their employees’ well-being get really put to the test. The worst response is to retaliate against the individual by labeling them as “lazy” or “too weak to hack it” or “not ready for the next promotion.” Other harmful responses include gaslighting, by telling individuals that they actually have it so much easier than other places, and should be grateful that we have a work culture that values balance. Some may listen, and acknowledge that there is a problem, but not invest in any steps that result in actual change. I experienced all of those when I shared that I was struggling at work. With my horse blinders on, I spoke up because I thought as a valued employee who has gone above and beyond so many times, they would see this is a major problem that needed to be rectified right away. I was wrong. And it was a kick in the you-know-where to learn this. If I left, they would easily find another trained horse to take over my carriage post.
That’s when I realized only I had the power to remove myself from this mindset of finding self-worth in how much I was able to produce for others. This, it turns out, would require way more than just sheer will power to change. Because I wasn’t just stuck in grind culture during these last several years, I was stuck in grind culture for most of my life. From grade school, I was valued for the straight A’s that I got on my report card. No one actually showed interest in whether I had learned anything. All of the colleges and universities that I attended following high school didn’t care to learn about who I was as long as I scored high on standardized tests. It’s almost a form of brainwashing, if you think about it. But with practice, I convinced myself that it was okay for me to take a break every once in a while. If I finished all of my projects, and still had one hour left in the work day, I didn’t need to find another project. I could just take a nap. I could just sit in stillness and reflect on everything I accomplished that day. I could just embrace myself as a complex human being, whose purpose in life extends beyond making money for a company. And while I’m still working on it, I’m noticing a positive change in my mood, my relationship with my family (the people who would actually miss me if I left), and overall outlook on life. This comeback post is a result of the changes I’ve been making within myself. The part of my brain that yearned for creativity and connection with others had been stifled by the grind culture. But now I’m crawling out from under the rubble, and I’m ready to tackle on the things that really matter to me in life, which sure as hell does not involve killing myself for a company who could easily replace me without batting an eye. I know that I can’t change my company, or corporate America in general, but I could change myself, and maybe convince some others to join me in my pursuit. And if enough people started removing those horse blinders, then we might be able to make a dent in bringing down this beast called The Grind. If that can happen, then maybe our world may start healing from all the depression, the angst, and the violence.
Resources
Doyle, Glennon. “No More Grind: How to Finally Rest with Tricia Hersey” We Can Do Hard Things. October 12, 2022. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/no-more-grind-how-to-finally-rest-with-tricia-hersey/id1564530722?i=1000582486920.
Archer, Heather. The Grind Culture Detox: Heal Yourself from the Poisonous Intersection of Racism, Capitalism, and the Need to Produce. Hierophant Publishing, 2022.
Rozentals, Artis. “The Hustle Culture Has No Future-Enter the Break Culture.” Forbes Council Post. April 29, 2022.
