My Asian Privilege
Preface: I started this post a little over a year ago, when I read about the murder of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor and Ahmaud Arbery. The fear of saying the wrong thing, as well as the pain of sharing a very sensitive story in my family kept this in the “drafts” folder for a long, long time. With a heavy heart, I realized on the anniversary of their deaths that despite all of the awareness and advocacy among our communities, Black people were still dying at the hands of police brutality. That, in addition to the rising number of hate crimes against Asian-Americans over the last year, makes it necessary to publish this post, regardless of the fear and the pain. My hope is that this will give victims of racism a louder voice to advocate against oppressions and microaggressions, and encourage everyone else to become an ally and make this world a safer place for all.
My aunt immigrated to the United States from Vietnam when she was 20 years old. My dad, who had immigrated to the States several years earlier, sponsored her, along with another sister and their mother (my grandmother). She came over with no education, no knowledge of the English language or American culture, and no job prospects. But she was still young, so there was plenty of potential for her to live out the American dream and figure out a life for herself, just as my dad had done. To help her get started, she moved in with our family upon arrival. So it was all 8 of us (my dad, mom, me, my sister and my newborn baby brother along with my two aunts and my grandmother) living in a cozy one-bedroom condo. I was 6 years old at the time. Sound claustrophobic? Don’t worry, we eventually upgraded to a three-bedroom house – my parents’ first home purchase. In addition, my aunts eventually were able to support themselves and my grandmother and moved into their own apartment in the next city over. My aunt was able to secure work at a sewing factory, where she was paid roughly $0.10 for every article of clothing she sewed. My memories of my aunt at the time was that she was a very quiet and docile woman, who liked to show me her dentures when she took them out at night to brush her teeth. She kept to herself, but was always kind to me and my siblings.
Several years into my aunt’s journey, she had settled into her life working at the factory but she hadn’t made much progress towards establishing a career or learning the language. It was at this time that we found out that my aunt was pregnant. She had been coerced by a man whom she thought was a friend, and now she was pregnant in a country that was still foreign to her, making less than minimum wage without any health insurance. The father of the baby was MIA. This was the beginning of a series of unfortunate events (and no, this is not a Lemony Snicket novel, but sometimes felt just as confusing and difficult to digest). My dad scrambled to figure out options to help his youngest sister. She was too far along in the pregnancy to go through an abortion, so the only option was to have the baby and give her up for adoption. My aunt was nowhere near having the financial stability to be able to raise the child herself. With the help of social services, they got her set up with regular doctors’ appointments throughout her pregnancy, where they discovered that she had diabetes and hyperlipidemia (high cholesterol) and oh by the way, was also autistic. Her autism explained a lot about struggles with social interactions and learning disabilities, and likely contributed to the circumstances that led to this current pregnancy. She gave birth to a healthy baby girl, and went through a successful adoption to a safe and loving family. My aunt was connected with the Regional Center, a state-funded support system for individuals on the spectrum. Her older sister who lived with her became her primary guardian and main decision maker.
Things returned to normal for my aunt after that. At least until she was arrested in 2018.
I actually found out 3 weeks after it happened that she was in jail for child abuse, and the bail was set to $1,000,000 – which, in case you were wondering, is a ridiculously high bail amount for child abuse alone. You can imagine the confusion that all of us went through to find out what happened. My aunt had never expressed violence or hit anyone, her entire life. We were convinced that this was just some horrible misunderstanding, and that we would be able to bring her back home in a few days after we’ve cleared it up. I want to emphasize that while I can now tell you the rest of this story in chronological order – I, by absolutely no means, ever received straightforward answers as I helped my family navigate this insanely inefficient, beauracratic and racist justice system in our country.
My aunts made a living by providing childcare for other people’s babies. They operated their business out of their three bedroom apartment. One day, there was a new baby who hadn’t stopped crying since her parents dropped her off in the morning. It was upsetting the other babies and my grandmother, so my aunt (the one with autism) decided to take the baby out for a walk in the stroller around the neighborhood to try to calm her down. Several hours later, my other aunt realized they had been gone a while so she went outside to look for them only to see a parade of ambulances and police cars down the street from their apartment. Her sister was in handcuffs getting ushered into the back of a police car, and the baby was still crying and being placed into the ambulance. She didn’t speak English, and no one made any attempt to explain to her what was happening. They did not let her approach her sister. Helpless, she watched as the ensemble of law enforcement drove her sister and the child away without a single clue where to find them next. She went back home, and asked her daughter who was American-born, for help. She also called the child’s parents. Somehow, three days later, she was able to find out that the child had been taken to a local hospital for evaluation in the ER. It was determined that the baby did not suffer any bodily harm or injuries, so she was discharged the same day back to her parents’ care. Her sister was being held in a local courthouse, where her arraignment had been held a few days prior. During the arraignment, the detective overseeing her case requested for her to be charged with “attempted murder of a minor” after receiving a phone call from an anonymous source that they witnessed my aunt punching the baby several times in the face before picking her up from the stroller, slamming her head into the concrete floor, and then stepping on her repeatedly. The only proof they had was that they found my aunt and the baby where the source said they would be, and the child, still sitting in the stroller, appeared distressed because she was crying at the time they arrived. The detective also requested that bail be set to $1,000,000 given that my aunt did not speak English and was not a U.S. citizen, so was considered a “flight-risk” (despite her not knowing her own home phone number, how to get to the airport or where to get money to purchase a loaf of bread). Not to mention that she had been a legal resident in the United States for the last 10 years of her life. The judge agreed with the bail amount, but decided to reduce the charges down to “child abuse” given the report from the child’s ER visit said that she was fine. After that, my aunt was transferred to a state penitentiary where she awaited trial.
When I found out where she was, I called the public defender who was representing her. I didn’t have high expectations given what I’ve heard about public defenders – they were tired, overworked, and jaded versions of private attorneys. But what I actually encountered was beyond description. During my first conversation with him, he informed me that my aunt’s best chance was to plead guilty and hope that she only gets a 5-6 year sentence in jail. The alleged crimes from the anonymous source was too severe for any other outcome to be possible.
Was there any evidence to support the allegations? No, but the source has no reason to make up a story like that.
What about the fact that child was found to not have any bodily injuries and was discharged from the hospital back to her parents the same day? I am not at liberty to share the hospital reports with you, but my understanding is that babies have hard heads and would be able to endure an assault like that and still not have any injuries.
That’s not true from my medical opinion as a doctor. Silence.
Are you aware of my aunt’s autism diagnosis and and that she has the IQ of an eight year old? No, but it is highly unlikely that her autism would impact the case. From my initial interview with her with an interpreter (he proudly added) she seemed to have all of the cognitive faculties to understand the situation and would be treated the same as anyone else without a mental disability.
Can you reach out to the Regional Center? Their opinion would likely contradict your medical assessment of my aunt’s intellectual ability. I will if I have time. But even if they confirmed what you’re saying is true, isn’t it in your culture to abuse children anyway?
I was dumbfounded. Not only was he not going to even lift a finger to defend my aunt, he was a racist ignoramus. So many thoughts went through my head. So many things I wanted to say to him. But it would not have done any good to antagonize him further. We needed to stay on his good side if we wanted to give my aunt the best chance at getting out of this nightmare. So I was forced to stay silent in the face of racial oppression, which happens all the time as a result of these power dynamics not just in our justice system, but also our education system, our healthcare system, and even in day-to-day interactions at grocery stores and restaurants. “I should say something, but I really need that letter of recommendation.” “I should say something, but he might not try so hard to save my dad’s life if it came down to it.” “I should say something, but they might spit in my food before serving it to me.” The oppressed often are not in a position to fight injustices because they’ve got their hands full with just trying to survive. That’s why we need allyship. That’s why we need others with more power and influence to speak up.
We looked into the cost of hiring a private attorney and actually met with one who was referred to us by a family friend. Sure, he could help us – it would cost us $30,000 for the initial evaluation. It might cost another $30,000 to reach a settlement, but expect even more if the case ever went to trial. And did we trust that he had my aunt’s well-being and best interest at heart? From the way that his eyes twinkled when he found out I was a physician, absolutely not. So should we go with the guy who is going to rob us blind and has every incentive to drag this case out? Or should we go with the guy who won’t charge us a dime but already assumes that my aunt is guilty of attempted murder because of her citizenship status and color of her skin? Why were those our only two options in a country that boasts justice and liberty for all?
After that conversation, I was able to ask a representative from the Regional Center to contact the public defender on my aunt’s behalf. They convinced him to send a neuropsychiatrist to evaluate my aunt while she was in jail – which was delayed for weeks because they were not able to coordinate a time when both the neuropsychiatrist and a Vietnamese interpreter would be available. They concluded that she, in fact, was not capable of making reasonable and sound decisions nor was she able to advocate for herself, so her case was moved to another court for people with mental health disorders and disabilities. The new public defender who took on her case refused to answer my phone calls or emails and asked me to “stay out of it” given that he was an expert with over 30 years of experience with handling these types of cases. He was willing to liaison with the Regional Center, so we were able to get updates at least through that avenue. In this new court, she was not able to plead guilty or innocent, so no settlements could be made. Instead, she would remain in jail and undergo “rehab” for her mental condition, despite the fact that there is no rehab that has proven helpful for patients with autism. They would hold quarterly hearings to evaluate her progress and determine her fate on an ongoing basis.
At some point, they were able to get a hold of some surveillance footage of the incident that was obtained from a neighbor across the street. The footage, I was told, showed my aunt pacing up and down the street with the crying baby in the stroller for several hours. At one point, she sat down on the grass and starting reprimanding the baby in Vietnamese, which aggravated the baby even more and resulted in my aunt slapping the baby twice across the face. After that, my aunt sat on the grass with her head in her arms with the baby sitting in the stroller next to her until the first police car arrived on the scene almost an hour later. The baby never stopped crying the whole time.
It was hard to sort out the feelings and thoughts at the time I received this information. It’s even harder to share all of this via a blog post. On one hand, she did hit the baby. According to my own expert Googling research, the penalty for child abuse can range anywhere from 2-10 years in prison and up to $6,000 in fines. On the other hand, she was an autistic woman who had never in her 40 years of life exhibited any type of aggression or violence. Could we have known that subjecting her to 7+ hours of an incessant crying child would have cracked her? Perhaps. Any parent who has had to deal with an inconsolable crying child can attest to feeling like they were going insane. In fact, when my son was born and I was researching ways to get him to sleep through the night, I learned that some military branches subject their new recruits to a recording of a crying baby for nights on end as a way to mentally toughen them up in case they ever found themselves captured as a prisoner-of-war and placed under torture. In the end, my aunt spent about ~16 months in jail, where her sentences shortened after each hearing. Periodically, we would receive updates that my aunt had to be taken to the county hospital because she would hit her head against the wall out of frustration, or she refused to take her medications. They said she never interacted with anyone – there wasn’t anyone who spoke Vietnamese. So she was essentially placed in social isolation for over a year, probably not even understanding why she was not able to go home or see her family, which can be so detrimental for the mental health of someone with autism. They concluded that she was not “rehab-able” given autism was not a mental health disorder like addiction or PTSD. When she was released from jail, the court ruled that she could no longer reside with her older sister, who was deemed incapable of supervising her, and had to continue going to adult day-care through the Regional Center to try to learn more life skills. They did not offer any suggestions on who my aunt should live with, so my dad had to rent a new apartment for her. In addition, they ruled that my other aunt was no longer allowed to provide childcare services for other people’s children. It didn’t matter than she had been doing it for 7-8 year prior without a single complaint from any of her clients up until this incident. So now they’ve taken away a major source of income from my two aunts, and also mandated that they pay rent of two apartments. Not to mention that they were separating my autistic aunt, who was undoubtedly more emotionally and mentally damaged after her stint in jail, from the person who had provided the most social and financial support throughout her entire life. These restrictions certainly made sense to the all-White judge and lawyers and detectives who oversaw her case. In their privileged world, they don’t have to consider barriers that are faced by immigrants living in the United States, such as the difficulty of finding a new job when you don’t speak the native language or never had opportunities to get an education. They may even have the privilege of not considering what it is like for someone with a disability, such as autism.
A few questions keep coming back to me even years after all of this: What possessed the anonymous source from reporting the offense the way that they did? How did it go from two slaps across the face to repeated punches, drops and stomps? Were they of sound mind when they called 911? Was it a result of racism? What if my aunt had been Black? Would she have been pinned to the floor until she could not breathe? Would she have been shot on the spot without warning? Was this my Asian privilege? Should we be grateful that my aunt was only subjected to 16 months of imprisonment for a crime for which 1) she did not have the cognitive faculties to repent and 2) a White person would have gotten off with a mere warning? What if she were White? Would her bail have been set to $1,000,000? What if she could speak English and explain the situation to law enforcement? What if she was not autistic and could defend herself against the falsities of the allegations that were made against her?
We live in a country that was constructed and designed to support older White men because the people who created our government and our judicial system over 200 years ago were all older White men. They did the best they could with the information they had at the time to create something sustainable for prosperity, but no one at that time could have predicted what America would become one day – a melting pot of people with different cultures, languages and values. Which is why we have to change – we are no longer a country full of just older White heterosexual men. And change starts with having the dialogue with others that our current system is failing us as Americans and as humans. Throughout my journey, I’ve come across a few learnings that I thought would be important to share. This is by no means an exhaustive list as I am still very much a novice in navigating this world, but being open and sharing our victories as well as our failures is my way of contributing to the process of change.
Recognize what unconscious biases and microaggressions are, and think about the last time you subjected another person to one. Everyone has done it, including those who claim they are not a racist because they’ve never used the “N” word. It’s so subtle and ingrained in the way we interact with someone who is different from us that it happens all the time without us even being aware of it. “Is that your real hair?” “What country are you from? Your English is so good” “When are you planning on getting married and having kids?” And even if you’re not the one making these comments, chances are you’ve witnessed it happening but stopped yourself from saying anything. It’s no longer enough to be “not racist” or “not sexist.” If we don’t speak up for those who are oppressed, we are just a part of the problem.
Understand what it means to defund the police. Taking away resources from policemen will not result in bringing about the apocalypse. Those resources can be spent on recruiting other professionals who are better adept at handling certain situations and reduce the amount of unnecessary violence and brutality. What if instead of a band of policemen, the ones who responded to the 911 call on my aunt had included a social worker, a mental health expert, or even an interpreter? Would they have been able to realize sooner my aunt’s disabilities? Instead of whisking her away to jail, where her mental health deteriorated even more because she spent over a year in isolation, what would have happened if they connected her with the right resources and taught her how to develop coping mechanisms for when she was upset? The tax dollars used to house her in jail could have been used in a way that was much more beneficial not just for my aunt, but for our society in general. Maybe those tax dollars could go to hiring more public defenders so they aren’t so overworked and jaded, or putting them through training on how to be more culturally competent human beings given that the majority of people they represent are from a minority group.
Don’t believe everything you read on the internet or hear on the news. Fake news is a real thing – oxymoronic, I know. You cannot become infected with the “China virus” by walking by an Asian person.
Think about your own privileges. What are you able to do more easily because of the color of your skin? Your gender expression? Your age? Your citizenship status? Your physical and mental functional capabilities? Acknowledging the inequities that others may face will help us better recognize when they are occurring and develop countermeasures against these unfair practices.
Instead of seeing all the ways in which someone is different from you, look for the things that you have in common with them. Our fellow humans are suffering, and we all have the right to equality, to peace and to unbounded opportunities.
